TELL IT LIKE IT IS.

2009-09-14T09:18:00.003+08:00

//\\ohsaysaysay@tumblr\\//

2009-04-16T19:44:00.001+08:00

“The greatest irony of love; loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life.

Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them, we are just for passing time while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.”

2009-02-17T21:29:00.002+08:00

2009-02-10T21:57:00.002+08:00

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
This is your life
And today is all you've got now
And today's all you'll ever have

2009-02-10T20:05:00.000+08:00

2009-02-05T21:18:00.003+08:00

I know it's pretty late,but

YES,WE CAN!

2009-02-04T21:05:00.001+08:00

2009-02-02T22:52:00.002+08:00

Please.
I hate it when you get all anal about stupid things.

(some things are better off unsaid,and I wish you'd just shut up,because you make my blood boil)

2009-01-21T14:06:00.002+08:00

Hahahaha.

//
Hippo-
poto-
monstro-
ses-
quipped-
alio-
phobia.

(fear of long words)

Phobias

2009-01-19T00:55:00.001+08:00

To start off year 2009:

vivre le

change

vous voular

(be the change you want)

-Gandhi

2009-01-01T23:53:00.005+08:00

Hello,2009.

You and I are going to be very good friends...

2008-12-17T23:36:00.010+08:00

Missing the good ol' EJs.

Its amazing how You can speak right to my heart
With our Daddy's word we can light up the dark/
Try as I may I can never explain/
The length of Your love and the depth of Your grace/
The smile on Your face lets me know that You love me/
There's a truth in Your eyes saying You'll never leave me/
The touch of Your hand says You'll catch me wherever I fall/
You gave Your best,when I did nothing at all.

Right now,when one door shuts...
another opens.

What'll be in store for me,God?

2008-11-24T19:59:00.015+08:00

Goodbye,and farewell.

So we will run
All altogether
Our hearts aflame
With a fire that cant be tamed
Our God
All glory to Your Name

Doesn't feel like it though. Time has passed so fast that I've been caught unaware(s?). Feels like it happened just yesterday,like I didn't study hard enough,didn't live up to people's expectations,didn't live up to...me. I keep talking about time...and talking about time,Pastor Dan was right. This year's a year of acceleration.Extreme acceleration,if you ask me.Its nearing December,and I've still got a list of things that I've yet to accomplish.No biggie.(Thank You,Jesus)

About Os... Everytime someone mentions something about O Levels,my heart would start beating faster,and the same question always pops up into my head: "What if I fail?What if I'm unable to live up to the expectations of others...even my own." What if this,what if that. I had this strange dream where if I were to fail a subject,I'd get sent a letter telling me so.And so I failed E Maths(in my dream),and I got a letter.It was so real; the sinking feeling,seeing the words jump out of the page,the horror of failing and disappointing everyone.

I felt like a nobody.(Not like I'm not one now)

Thank You,Jesus.I put this situation into Your hands.Its not by my effort but by Your grace.I've already done my best,so now its all up to You.You have seen my future,and it is good.

And when I return to what I've missed out on so much,namely DARE,I feel pretty left out.As in,I feel like everyone's taking a step forward and I'm still standing alone behind,or even moving backwards.I just feel that I can't break out of my shell.I can't seem to learn to love me for me.I feel so...backward.So...idiotic.I'm a n-o-b-o-d-y.Feels like it.And I'm sorry if I've overreacted and started being all paranoid-y.I'm sorry.Thta's just...who I am...or maybe who I WAS,if I were to take that step forward.C'mon Elaine,you can do it.

When I see others gushing about how they feel about their 'special someone',I can't help but feel a little stab at my heart. They've got someone special-I'm not saying that I'm anxious to be placed in their shoes,but it feels great to be loved,isn't it.To have someone to love you and be your best friend.Someone who knows you better than yourself,who knows who you really are,and loves you for it.I guess curiosity kills the cat; That's what happened to me when I decided to give relationships a go,only to realise that the more I'm into it,the heavier my heart feels.
I'm not asking to be in a relationship; I'm already in one with Daddy God,but sometimes,I wonder how is it liked to be loved by another human being like myself.And then again I wouldn't want it at all.Guess now's not the time. Guess I'll just be me for a while.

One thing I've learnt so far:
Silence,is Golden.

2008-11-03T22:11:00.003+08:00

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.
Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here,and that our address will remain same too.This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him.He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea
after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing! much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but
by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

(HAHA)

2008-10-28T17:30:00.002+08:00

Time.
Time passes.
Time passes quickly.
Time passes very quickly.
Time passes extremely quickly.
Time passes supremely quickly.

t i m e t i m e t i m e t i m e ti m e t i m e t i m e t i m e t i m et i m e t i m e t i m e t i m e t i me t i m e t i m e t i m e t i m e

Before you know it: Its gone,like a wisp of smoke...Before I know it: I'm hauled up by my shoulders,dusted free of dirt,and pushed forward...Before we know it: The life that we grown so accustomed to has been transformed into one where we feel alien...

Hello,future.

2008-10-25T22:59:00.001+08:00

Yeah,I'm the girl who stands at the corner with a hot fudge sundae in hand,looking at the world,wondering how's it like to just be a face in the crowd...

Quality, not quantity.

I need to reinvent myself, to take some time out and mull things over. You're not everything.Sometimes,I think I tend to want to know so much.And there is only so much I can know,and want to know.Things that are indirectly related to me are simply another brick on my shoulder.

Some things are better off unknown.

2008-10-16T19:00:00.002+08:00

On the bright side:

1. You shall not worry,for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
2. You shall not be fearful,for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
3. You shall not carry grudges,for they are the heaviest of all life's burdens.
4. You shall face each problem as it comes,you can only handle one at a time anyway.
5. You shall not take problems to bed with you,for they make very poor bedfellows.
6. You shall not borrow other people's problems. They can better care for them than you.
7. You shall not try to relieve yesterday for good or ill; it is forever gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life and be happy now!
8. You shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.
9. You shall not become "bogged down" by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.
10. You shall count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

Winner take all.

2008-10-03T18:09:00.002+08:00

"Now, as I look back, I realised that what he said was right: I do have shoes to fill in - my own."

2008-08-19T20:20:00.000+08:00

Cool afternoons+evenings = sleepy me

Phone's in the posession of someone of a higher authority than me(read: mother), will be getting it back after Prelims,simply because I can "focus more" without it.

I NEED MY MUSIC!!!

Someone please help me with chem.

2008-08-05T21:17:00.004+08:00

How should I put it:

study
study study
guilt guilt guilt
guilt guilt guilt guilt

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

2008-08-05T20:20:00.005+08:00

I guess...I wouldn't be 100% honest if I were to say that I don't like you anymore.

But
no,
I
don't.
Not
anymore.

N-O.

(No sir,no Facebook/Friendster/NCC for now)

2008-07-28T21:23:00.018+08:00

Q: What have you been doing lately?

I have been lying through my teeth to myself. I tell myself that "Its getting late and I'm too tired to carry on,maybe I'll do xyz tomorrow" when its only 1o+ at night,in order to shirk my responsibilities.I sleep moderately early,dream weird dreams and wake up dreading the rest of the day's activities.

...

Been missing out on a lot of things lately.
Haven't seen my pals in a loooooong time.
(Yes,I miss you guys!!!)
I have no Social life,because I'm supposed to "stay home" on weekends.
I have no Virtual life either.
I can't access Friendster/Facebook because of the idiotic Anti-Virus package thingo.
Go figure.
I'm losing my touch.
I'm still thinking about xyz.
I'm still delaying things.
I'm still disappointing.
I'm still discovering myself.
I'm still wanting to spend more and more quality time with Jesus.
I'm still wishing for extra time.
I'm still feeling the study guilt.
I'm still thinking,but little or nothing gets done.
I'm still being...me?

...

Heard that this Sat's gnna be one awwwsummm service,
and yes,I'll be going in Jesus' name.
And thanks all for replying my texts,answering my random-I'm-calling-you-because-I-feel-like-it calls,and missing me!
(:

(cuz its not about me,its about You.)

2008-07-16T21:04:00.003+08:00

Apparently,I have tonsilitis.
(whatever that is)

So...its just me and home sweet home then.
Friends,have fun in school!
Stupid " Muay Thai+Personal Trainer".
=)

2008-07-03T21:28:00.008+08:00

Yet another weeeek.

1. Managed to prove to myself that I-can-survive-without-my-phone-for-a-week,
2. Decided to get started on my art and prove to myself that I'm not "useless",I am not to be "given up on",to be "ignored",to be "looked down upon",because I know I'm doing it all for His glory...
3.I've stopped thinking as much as before...aside from the fact that I mentally slap myself from time to time.
4.Its hard not to think about you.
5.My to-do list's getting longer and shorter and the same time...?
6.Although I've hit rock bottom the past few weeks...I know that I'll get through it...because its not the end,its only the beginning...
7.I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.

Guess its time to start writing on a fresh page.

2008-07-01T17:35:00.000+08:00

Yes, I've found myself, in You.

2008-06-25T23:16:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day(and days to come):
Yesterday's history.
Tomorrow's a mystery.
Today's a gift,
that's why they call it
"the present".

R-E-S-I-L-I-E-N-C-E 's the word,
and off I go ~~again looking for trouble and getting myself into even deeper shit.~~

Good day.
(:

2008-06-12T14:09:00.007+08:00

Doesn't matter what they say
doesn't matter how I feel
doesn't matter what we do
Doesn't matter who I am
Doesn't matter how it is...

...because its all about You.

(What the world will never take)

2008-06-10T22:56:00.004+08:00

Q: What happens when you complain about waiting that extra hour for a movie and eventually end up being late because you dilly-dallied too much?

A: You wind up in the wrong theatre.

2008-05-29T16:07:00.002+08:00

It doesn't matter how high we lift our hands...
it doesn't matter how we sing...
it doesn't matter who we are...

Because all I see are hearts...
All I see are hearts...

2008-05-28T17:48:00.002+08:00

~~army~~ school daze

school days feels like weekends
weekends feel like school days
(okay,maybe not)
lalalalafeels as if i'm standing on my head
watching time pass so quickly
like sand
i can't get it inside my head,
the reality of the exams coming up
so quickly
like your friend who sneaks up on you when
you aren't looking and-
the words look so blurry,
merged into one theyare frozen
in time
tick tock,tick tock
time's wasting away as we speak-
selective memories:
i can only recall when I only
wanted to hear you say
"its okay"
but what i really wanted was-
wait,what am i talking about?

i should be studying.

2008-04-24T21:42:00.004+08:00

(Sarah's)

Time flies when your back is turned.

Time passes so quickly,
like the glimpse of you that I previously had before I placed all my feelings aside on the shelf,taking them out and looking at them only when I chance upon them.

Time passes so quickly;
things that have happened so long ago feel like it happened just yesterday.

Time passes so quickly;
looking unbelieveably at the clock when I awake,I think to myself :Another day already?

Time passes so quickly;
its hard to differentiate between "close" and "far" now.

Well,
all I can say is that there's
no time for self-excuses,
because
the time,is now.

(countdown: 33 more days!)

2008-04-07T21:37:00.010+08:00

Reflection:

Its not about who did it first;
its about what you did.

We need to talk.

2008-04-06T13:06:00.005+08:00

Anyone up for NC16 movies?

2008-04-06T12:29:00.006+08:00

Lately,I've been telling almost everyone(almost!)I meet stupid jokes.

Here's one:

E:One day,Char Shao Pao(char siew pao)andMantou(steamed pao)went to watch a movie.Halfway during the movie,Char Shao Pao started tearing but Mantou remained stone-faced.Why?

Friend:Er....I don't know...Why?

E:Because Mantou had no fillings!(feelings)

Friend:(pauses) OH!(then laughs)

E:Okay,after Mantou went home,Char Shao Pao went to watch another movie with Dao Sha Pao(bean paste pao).During the movie,Char Shao Pao teared again but Dao Sha Pao remained silent.Why?

Friend:Er....because Dao Sha Pao was very dao?(moody or something)

E:NO,its because they both had different fillings!

Friend: .....

E: Finally,when Dao Sha Pao went home,Char Shao Pao went to watch one final movie with the Big Chicken Pao.During the movie,Char Shao Pao teared but the Big Chicken Pao was bawling his head off.Why?

Friend: ....why?

E:No,because the Big Chicken Pao had TOO MUCH FILLING!!!

Friend: ...omg....so lame......

(Hahaha)

2008-04-02T17:41:00.006+08:00

Paranoia sneaks up on you when
you're not looking and whispers
things
you shouldn't be hearing and
making you
think.
Twice.

Paranoia has a couple of best friends:
They're inseperable.
When Paranoia's around you
can always count on Fear to
be tagging along behind whispering
secrets to Anger.

They,like hawks,swoop down on the unsuspecting and
take away what dignity you have but
once you pick yourself up again they
lower your self-esteem and
make you feel like
digging a hole in
the ground and
never showing your face again.

Now,I've learnt the ways of blocking out
its calls,
focusing only on
the One Thing,
because,
that's all I'll ever need,
ever want,
ever have.

Even the little things matter(its not just about the big picture).

2008-03-19T21:07:00.003+08:00

2008-03-07T17:22:00.009+08:00

eeeeeeee
("e-line",by Sarah)

2008-02-29T23:31:00.008+08:00

Not by years,but by experience.

Though I may not be one to express my emotions readily and freely at times,there are times when I would like to voice things out,words that are on the tip on my tongue,but yet I swallow them back in,very aware of the words burning my throat.During the times when I wanted so badly to speak up,I would,at the last minute,be overcome by cowardice,retreating to a corner to fume and lick my wounds where your words had cut deep.Words alone are not enough.

"Actions speak louder than words",people would tell me.I'd try my best to be responsible for what I do but sometimes I can't help but feel like a failure.

Lately,I've been failing in studies(I lack the motivation and passion),and then I get upset with myself and down goes my morale.Although we are,indeed,"losers" in this world,being empowered with Jesus makes all the difference.Its not about fate or what others will say;its all about ourselves,and us devoting and giving our all to Jesus,letting him take the lead in everything.From time to time,we do feel like screw-ups,we have our ups and downs,but what is it that really keeps us going?Is it the need to stay above this endless struggle for a "good" position in society?Is it the reputation that we are to live up to for others?Is it the image that we create of ourselves for the world?Being hypocritical can be a weakness sometimes,when I,myself have to face up to what I stand for.But its not about me,its about Jesus.As long as I put my trust in Him,sing of His praises and thank Him for every little thing,nothing can go wrong.Even if there are difficulties experienced,I'm sure there's always the rainbow after the storm.This is life,and its not how we let others decide how we live,but ourselves.I make the choice,and let God take over.I may not be one to impart pearls of wisdom,but I know that if I put my mind to it,and let Him move mountains in my life,even the smallest things,can matter,even the littlest of smiles,can radiate such warmth,even the quietest of whispers,can be heard.

We,are doing it all for the audience of one.

2008-01-24T22:04:00.000+08:00

There's a deeper meaning to it.

Over the past few weeks,I've learnt and realised that even if what we hear about others and are somewhat influenced by the world's ways,its up to us to draw the line between what we hear and what we discover for ourselves.Its more of a discovery,really,and then a reflection of what I learnt.Sure,I may be slow on the uptake but it takes time...

Its up to us to make the first move,and then taking the next step.Over these few years,in order to keep up with friends and aquaintences,I take heed of their comments and advice and let their point of view become mine.And over time,I realised that I'm fallen into one of the traps-hypocrasy.(is that a word?)There used to be nothing more than reassurance from a friend to make me feel that I'm doing the right thing,but when I look back and reflect,I realise that its all a screw-up,and that I let my judgement of others be blurred by the judgement of others.When someone tells me that X is...annoying and whatever,I take heed of that and start to look at the person in a different light,no matter how well I know that person,regardless of whether I've gotten to know them or not.But over time,as I get to know them more and more,I realise that they're not so bad;great as a bestie,or even someone you can confide in.Its the outlook that makes you judge,but the inside which makes you think,and look back in wonder:Have I done the right thing?

So,its time to get going(z),Elaine.

2008-01-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

At certain points,
I feel the need to be responsible for the welfare and on-goings of my family...

Its hard balancing both sides,but I think its paying off.I feel complied at times to do something in order for another thing to happen,like a chain reaction.Sure,it ain't easy taking all the blame and burden myself(although I know they have some themselves),but I've got to let it all go. There's only so much I can do,because I was placed in this family for a reason,and no matter how much I try to change this family into a picture-perfect family,some things still remain the same.My hands,can only do so much.My hands,are only so big.That,is where I let God intervene,take over and let everything take root and bear fruit.Its not really up to us to decide how we want things to go.Sure,we have our own mindsets and all,but its really God who does everything for us,plans everything,arranges everything,makes everything right.He's already been through it all,and like a movie,He plays it over and over again,watching the seed He has planted in our lives grow and manifest slowly,bit by bit as we feed on His word everyday.We,in the flesh are so limited but we,in Christ,are limitless.No matter how much we try,there's always flaws,obstacles,giants,blocks and sterotyped mindsets all around us in this imperfect world.We all strive for perfection,taking the bait when we bask in praise and compliments and yet sinking so low when we take the fall,letting our fears and our giants conquer us and overwhelm us...In this world,its up to us to point the way.Its in this world where we face the music,and live up to what we stand for.We all have our doubts and yes,we do fall from grace at times but indeed:

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger"

So Lord,give me strength,
give me wisdom.

2008-01-15T21:21:00.001+08:00

Sometimes,its hard expressing emotions in words,
when what you want to say is caught in your chest and
your heart's telling you to shout it out but
your head's taking control and you're
giving in to the voices inside although
the words are on your tongue but
you can't bring youself to say what you really meant to say.

Sometimes,certain things are indescribable,
and I'm really thankful for those who care but
its those times when you feel really small and
everything's all screwed up and
nothing can ever go right when
your world's somewhat falling apart and
your heart's being ripped apart and
its bursting at the seams at just
containing all those emotions.

But still...

2008-01-07T21:03:00.000+08:00

I WANNA GO I WANNA GO I WANNA GO

(try saying that quickly over and over again)

2007-12-31T20:22:00.000+08:00

Goodbye,2007,
Hello,2008.

2007-12-28T15:36:00.000+08:00

How can one person,

like another,

for so long?

2007-12-25T18:25:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how one person can have so many emotions bottled up inside altogether.

Sometimes I find myself stuck,
in a situation where the line between the two sides becomes so blurred I don't know how to differentiate my priorities.

Sometimes I find myself lost,
in a world of my own,where I wallow in self-pity,and my thoughts just swim around my head-I don't know which path should I walk.

Sometimes I find myself hiding,
behind a face,behind a person even I don't know.I've figured that its no point being scornful and sad all the time,so I plaster a smile on my face,although sometimes deep inside it hurts so much.

Sometimes I find it hard to control my emotions,
when everything around me is seemingly falling apart.The tears just fall irregularly,at wrong times,in wrong places.

Sometimes,
I wish I had someone tangible to hug.

Sometimes,
I wish I was a kid again,and there would be nothing for me to worry about.

Sometimes,
some things are better off not said,but then again,
some things need more than just words to be described.

Jesus,I love you.

2007-12-23T18:35:00.000+08:00

This makes me smile.

2007-12-14T22:17:00.001+08:00

Time passes(real fast).

"Its no use going back to yesterday,because I was a different person then." (Belle)

Its all a dream,and still will be.

2007-12-11T20:54:00.000+08:00

Is there a way out?

It seems,that the respect I've built up for you all this while,is slowly disintegrating as we speak.
Its tedious,if you must know,
to be able to pacify both sides,
but I guess my head(and possibly my heart)has made its choice,silently.
(Who knows what'll happen next)

Sometimes,
silence is the best answer.
In other times,
silence is just an easy way out;nothing but self-deceit.
Then again,
we say it best,
when we say nothing at all.

(Thanksgiving service tmr!)

2007-12-07T19:00:00.000+08:00

When you've been looking forward to something,and as the times flies while you anticipate eagerly for the moment to come,you suddenly become aware of the reality that hits you like those harsh facts that they throw at you and then you realise that maybe,it isn't such a big thing after all...But then again,a little voice tells you to go,enjoy yourself,make it best out of it and yet your heart is somewhat unwilling,your stomach feels funny,and your heart heavy...

Yeah,that's what I'm feeling.

Ever since I've returned from camp,I've been faced with harsh realities from my parents,and sometimes,I just don't know how to handle it and in the end it gets the better of me:Everyday,I spend time considering if I should do this or that,or if this will affect that,and so on.Sometimes,I really do feel useless and inferior to other,better people,but hey,this is life.

And so,I think I'll take it one step at a time,
with Jesus.

(Time sure flies fast:Its less than a month to 2008:O)

2007-12-03T13:54:00.000+08:00

A year has passed,two camps gone,and more to come.

I can't imagine,a life without You,
without You,
'cause its all for You,
yeah its all for You,
God.
(You Deserve-Hillsongs United)

I'm starting afresh because its not over,it has just begun...

EJ3 is yet again another one of those awesome camps but this time,no tears were shed,and yet my heart sings for the Lord...

This camp is nothing like I've ever experienced,and I've grown in ways I've never thought I would,and experienced things I thought I would never have,and seen things that are really awesome,and mindblowing...

Daddy is really big,and even the smallest things He sees,the smallest prayer He listens,the smallest tear He wipes away,the smallest person,He loves and knows deeply and intimately...

He is just so awesome...

I went for EJ3 telling myself to have high expectations,but deep inside,I did not know what to expect at all.Over the 5 days and 4 nights,I have experienced a love so strong,so unfailing,so awesome,so underserving,a love that only one can give to His beloved.

"This camp is not the emotional kind of camp,but the spiritual growth kind of camp..."

We are all not perfect,we are all indeed useless,but with Jesus all is possible,the hardest things are accomplishable...because He is always there to hold our hand,to catch us when we fall,to whisper words of encouragement when we are at our darkest times...Yes,He is our Best Friend,and more...

Each Praise&Worship session was really an insight into His kingdom,a declaration of His love for us,an experience like no other where youths and adults alike gather into a place where they praise God till there's no end,where they feel His annointing flowing within,where He moves around,whispering "I love you" into our ears and taking our hands as we lift them up high,where He opens up our minds to the things He has in store for us,where we just lose ourselves,where we deserve nothing but we get everything...

Even in the darkest times,He is always there.He is the absolute truth,and by anknowledging Him,what He has done for us on the cross,we have no choice but to give ourselves up,wholly,to Jesus.We are all one in Christ.

"The Lord is my Light and my Salvation,whom shall I fear?"

In this camp,I've seen and experienced supernatural bonding in E.G(Empowered By Grace),I've made kingdom friendships and forged even stronger bonds with friends that I've never really got to know better...

There's just so many feelings,so much passion for Jesus inside of me,He is the only one who'll always be there for me,who leads me to everything,who shows me the right way...This is why,I still stand today,this is why,I still breathe...

"Lord,show me Your love,show me Your way,show me Your glory..."

I have awesome,awesome commando friends.Thank You,Jesus,for giving me commando friends who will listen to what I have to say when I need a ear and a shoulder to lean on at my low points and to share with me when I am hungry for God.I have learnt,and still am learning,that friends are not to be taken for granted.I really am thankful for all these people around me,the people whom I love and like...Every tight embrace,every "I love you" muttered,every tear shed,everything,I am thankful for...

I lift my hands,to the heavens,and call out His name because He first called me,and loved me with a love that no one else could give...Lord,its Your voice that I listen to...

"Expect more to come,Elaine,because this is just the beginning..."

2007-11-24T12:40:00.000+08:00

"Do not let those of little faith belittle you,instead,let those who know you from the inside out lift you up to an even higher level and let you bring glory to His name...After all,He raised us up with His power to bring glory to Him all over the world..."

2007-11-23T13:17:00.000+08:00

I will praise You all my days.

I've decided,not to go today mainly because part of me(or maybe the Holy Spirit part of me)tells me I should just stay at home and spend time with my family before I leave for a 5 day 4 night trip for EJ3 on Tuesday.Guess I have nothing much to look forward to/to do these few hours ahead,but that'll do.

2007-11-22T22:02:00.000+08:00

So I've got a pair of shorts for camp(along with Gina!)and still in need of more,
Gill,you owe me camp shopping.Maybe we should try to squeeze it in sometime later this week?Or maybe Munday,which is really really last minute(I have yet to pack my bags).Things have been sorted out,thank you Jesus for these awesome,awesome friends that I have and for You holding all this together(: I realise that I,too,have to catch up with people that I've never really caught up with,friends that I just push aside or spend little time with and made way for more,seemingly important things.Now's the time,now's the season-

Time to get going.

2007-11-20T18:02:00.000+08:00

~~"Best friends"~~

Does that term really mean anything?To you?Sure,I make mistakes-everybody makes them-but does that equal to me wavering between the lines,waiting for the signs to whom I belong to?Sure, best friends have best friends themselves,but does that mean any less for me?When I tell you that I'm not gonna fight,and instead lay down my armour because I'm not putting our friendship at stake and you say "thank you",do you really mean it?When I confess that sometimes,I feel left out,I feel alone,I feel disappointed and you tell me that "No,I love you all the same",is it true?i know I'm being selfish,but everyone demands attention right?I don't know why I become so frustrated over you sometimes.I don't know if you're worth being frustrated over,but you're my best(?)friend,and I would do anything for my besties.I know you would've said it yourself,but have you been doing that for me?All the while,have I been on a wild goose chase?Its not all about me,but can you at least spare a thought for me?When you celebrate,at least include me?Or maybe I'm not as close to your friends,I'm sorry,but at least when we have a group outing,please try not to make it sound so hard to just ask me out to meet up earlier.Sometimes I just feel like giving up on you,besides,I've got other friends,but somehow I just can't leave it alone.During the period when you need a friend to lean on,I was there.And now that you don't need me,I feel like a replacement.Sound familiar?I don't know if you're gonna read this but this is what I feel.I'm just merely a replacement from time to time,when you have your woes its time with me,telling me your problems and when its over,you shut me out.What did I do to deserve this?I guess they're right-God gives us different friends for different seasons.Maybe I'm just..in the passing.Maybe I'm really just...a replacement.

~~Thanks for nothing.~~

!edit :
Friends.
(:

2007-11-20T15:49:00.000+08:00

Where have I found love?
(In places everyone seems to be finding)

And yet,another week.
(Days pass fast don't they)

Countless hours on the PSP(Sims)
Countless hours devoted to pre-EJ3 preparations
Countless hours thinking about...everything
Countless hours of pushing myself(but it doesn't seem to work)
Countless hours of family time
Countless hours of sunsunsun
Countless hours on the phone
Countless hours of (back-breaking)movie-watching
Countless hours of taking pointless photos
Countless hours of doing nothing-

Its always so expected,so sterotyped,
and there's nothing I can do about it.
(Can I?)

2007-11-15T19:32:00.000+08:00

Please speak softly,
for they will hear us
And they'll find out,
why we don't trust them.

Three things:Responsibilities,discipline,and a sense of urgency
The days are passing quickly-its almost the end of the year already.
Time flies like the things that happen every day,only that I can't stop,rewind,nor pause.
Sometimes,when I'm alone,my mind wanders:
Its those times that I replay over and over again in my head,
over and over and over.
I'll just keep doing what I have to do,
because people change,
friends come and go.
Cliche as it sounds,its not up to me to decide.

So,for now,I'll just have to be the best I can be.

2007-11-10T20:46:00.000+08:00

Being the best I can be-
Nothing's too hard until I've tried it.

(countdown:17 days till EJ3)

2007-11-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

Busy week.

/edit:

(I love lists)

1.Work

2.2008 organizer

3.Clothes(!!!)

4.Resting In Him+being the best I can be

5.Study time(x10 +10)

6.Saving and not overspending

7.To be someone whom everyone can appreciate

8.To get you out of my system

9.Quality time with family(includes not snapping unecessarily at others)

10.Ah,yes,practice makes perfect.

2007-11-05T21:31:00.000+08:00

No matter how many times we say it,we have to mean it...
No matter what we say,its how we say it that matters...
No matter how much we think,its always the actions that speak the loudest...

Am I doing all that?
By just being who I am really am,would it really make a difference?
Its all about saying it like I mean it,but do I have a choice?
I just think too much.
Paranoia aside,what I really want,really desire,is just slipping further and further away from my hands.
"Materialistic,"they say,
"Pointless,"I agree.
I should just focus on the one thing that I need-
and that's You.

Jesus.
(:

2007-11-02T20:06:00.000+08:00

I love coming home to the late afternoon sky.

1. 2008 organizer
2. Travel Declaration Form
3. O,clothes.
4. Presents(I owe too many)
5. EJ3+next few DAREs+projects
6. Tests,and worksheets.
7. Not caring too much about things that I should care less about.
8. Study time(x10)
9. Save,save,save.
10. Practice makes perfect.

(Am I looking forward to tomorrow?)

2007-10-30T21:38:00.001+08:00

Elaine says: tmr's SL,and Sailing!

and then she announces: I've got Facebook!

:O

(Oh,how exciting.)

2007-10-29T18:55:00.000+08:00

Her mind's an endless tunnel:
She has no idea what she's getting herself into,
but she takes it one step at a time,
ready to take on whatever is thrown at her.
(although she's unsure at times)
The world's pulling at the hem of her dress,
but all she sees beneath are scars-
The world's flaws showing,
evading,
sinking,
melting,

into her skin.

Her face conceals the bottled feelings:
She wears a face she does not know,sometimes,
yet it fits like a second skin.
She realises that by herself,
nothing can be solved.
But she realises that,
with Him,

everything is perfect.

2007-10-28T15:16:00.000+08:00

I miss attending Sunday services.

2007-10-28T13:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was messy,loud and fun.

Even though I'm sad to say that it'll probably be the last time that we'll spend as a DG-Super D2-at Denise Yeo's,we all got the best out of it yesterday(especially when it was a pre-birthday celebration for DYHT).We're all gonna be split into levels in zones but(I know this sounds cheesy)we'll all have those good memories and times together yeah?We're all brothers and sisters in Christ,and we're still in the same church,same ministry yeah?(:

Next Saturday's the group sorting+DYHT's 15th!But till then,I'll be stuck in school for an extended structured lessons.Hope I get to sail next week.So many things to do,so little time.

(I shouldn't think so much.
Its just gotta be what its gotta be.)

2007-10-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

(Secondary 4,Express)!

Just one of the day's highlights-Spent most of the day watching Phantom of the Opera in the AVA Theatrette with(hauntingly)loud music blasting,then pointlessly filling out forms and later taking a bus to Parkway with Kimberly and then deciding to head to Bugis and then after stepping into Bugis we decided to head towards town.Talk about hasty decisions.I'm probably left with a couple of dollars and self-pity because of the fact that I'm unable to purchase anything except lunch+a pretty expensive pen(thanks to GST) aaaaand maybe a few laughs.No,scratch that.We were just laughing all the way(: Saw some pretty weird people...And now I've noticed yet again that the year flew by so fast...I can remember when it was just the beginning of the year and my mother was telling me if I wanted 4,or 5 years.Now,it seems so far away when I think of it,and now I'm on my way to secondary 4.Don't know what's in store for me next year,but I'm trusting that it'll be awesome.
(:

DCN:
We'll stick by you no matter what,because we know its YOUR choice,you know what YOU want,and we just want the best for you yeah?Haha we'll miss you if you decide to join another class next year,but we love you(:

Pao Pao:
Gee,I miss you alr.Hope you're having fun in the kampong with no reception and no technology.Pooooooor L.I'll help you pray for a normal hand k.
:B

DYHT:
I miss catching up with you!Its been so long eh.You,with you friends and all...Loooove you!

Peirong:
The status of our seating postions are undefined,because of the simple act of walking down Orchard Road and suddenly bursting into peals of laughter together isn't really gonna work out during dreaded Structured Lessons.Love you though,now give us a(sticky)hug.Vhaaaaaat.

D:
1.Take out said shoe.
2.Aim,
3.And chuck! at annoying/irritating victim.

Problem solved.(We're Plan B)

2007-10-25T21:25:00.000+08:00

Spent whole day doing nothing but the logbook,only to find out that "imporant" meeting+second training's been cancelled.Wish I had continued sleeping this morning instead and gave school a miss,and so I trooped home to the welcoming arms of the Internet.Thankz to Melissz,Kimberly,and plenty other for keeping me company online=loads of laughs.

To cut is short:
Gotta go.
(Tmr's Report Book Day:O)

2007-10-23T18:35:00.001+08:00

I personally believe that this is really hilarious.
(Ms Teen USA-South Carolina)

2007-10-23T17:13:00.000+08:00

Today was very interesting,and tedious(okay,maybe not?).
Lazy to describe further,although I shall state that those black patent(?) Novo Mary-Janes(?) are gorgeous.
(I guess I'll have to wait till I'm older to actually carry them off.Pffft.)
Finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,unlocked pretty much of almost everything(haha)in Surf's Up in the PSP,and Friendster's being a pain-in-the-ass.I need something to do. Someone please yue me out or something!!!Post-exam days are really...mudane...Now I've gotta train harder for my Level 1 in november if I want to compete...There goes my Wednesdays and Fridays.Pffft.

P.S. Anyone wants Frosted Chocolate Fudge-flavoured Pop Tarts?I've got three packets with two Pop Tarts each inside-I'm simply too lazy to toast them.

When You found me,
my whole world changed,
I'm redeemed by Your life.
Let the earth sing,
You are Freedom,
turn my darkness to light.

You welcome me in,
with open arms,
into unending light.

I'm not ashamed of the gospel Lord,
Your power,Your love,
You saved my soul
now I'm alive in You,
I live in the risen Son.

2007-10-21T14:40:00.000+08:00

No one but You,
no one but You.

I don't care what they say,
I don't care what they think,
I'm merely thinking too much;
this situation's reached its peak.
All this time I've wasted away-
I should just give up.
Now.

2007-10-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

1. Marks&Spencer Milk chocolate-coated wafer curls.

2. They're leaving me out of their "private affairs",
but what do I care?
Its none of my business.
If they choose not to tell me their "private affairs".
what do I care?
I'm there just to listen.
(when you're willing to share)

3. I should stop now.
Right now.
Because,its damn pointless and,
he doesn't give a shit about it.

2007-10-16T19:54:00.000+08:00

2007-10-15T18:50:00.000+08:00

Last minute work always gets me going,somehow.

"U-uncle,two Roti Sotong p-please."
Instead of making an order of two Roti Kosong as asked by my father,I made a blunder and ordered those two above.Being the little kid(and being scared of the 'big prata man'),I screwed up my face in disappointment only to be laughed in the face by the man who I thought I loved and the big(scary)prata man about my 'mix of words'.After realising my stupid mistake,I decided to let my father order the pratas instead.Later,the prata man's accomplice(?) did not spare me the shame either,grinning at me and my dad while serving us the piping-hot pratas.

I find myself laughing at this memory as my father,sister and I shout embarrasing moments at each other for some unknown reason.Happy blessed 8th,Poot.
(:

2007-10-14T20:37:00.000+08:00

Apparently,Friendster sucks(for the time being).

Saturday was A.W.E.S.O.M.E.
And I'm still wondering if you care;
probably not.

2007-10-12T20:18:00.000+08:00

Present aim:Get out of 'holiday' mode.
Didn't accomplish much today,three days' countdown till she's 8.

I've missed going to church too many times,
(It seems so,mindless chases and hide-and-seek doesn't help)
I've missed those opportunities once-too-many,
(And I've taken things for granted)

Its time to rise up;
Its time to rise up.

2007-10-11T20:49:00.000+08:00

( hellogoodbye,Yellowcard )

Thursday:ICC,scandal?
Friday:Endless hours of preparing for Art,
Saturday:Palawan Beach,Sentosa+Superrrrrr D(sand,sun and fun)
Sunday:Probable service going?
Monday:~~Twit's~~ Sister's 8th birthday(get well soon!)
Tuesday:One(two?) more papers,
Wednesday+Thursday:Baaack to the sea for some Sailing(hopefully),
Saturday:aaaand DARE.(hope you're coming,but what the heck,I don't think you'd be reading this anyway.)

EJ3:I'm there.

2007-10-10T15:03:00.000+08:00

With my legs proped up against the chair,
I scroll down the messages in my phone.
Your face's still there;
Fresh in my mind-I remember it just like yesterday.
When we would spend hours laughing
at just about everything,
Yes,there were complications,
but those were the days!
When I think of the times when
I would tell you about the guy I like,
I would laugh at my foolishness,it was indeed somewhat pointless.

Your face's still there,
I've counted for the third time,
the days when we would find each other again-
The things we would do to pass time.
But for now,that'll have to wait-
My heart's deciding between give-and-take.
And his face's still there;
Fresh in my mind-
I remember it just like yesterday.

(I'm just waiting for the days to pass,till I see you again.)

2007-09-29T21:42:00.000+08:00

(Okay,so I can't stop myself from blogging after a few days.Its a matter of whether-I-feel-like-it kind of basis.)

Friday was one of those super fun days with Alicia+Kelly+Sara H+Dawn+Kimberly Guo,aside from the fact that Chinese paper 2 was a hastily done paper...Tomorrow I'm heading over to church(finally!) for first service and to sign up for camp(!!!)Now,I'm gonna head out there and make use of what's left of my weekend.Pfffft.

Next to me,he's second to nothing.
Next to him,I'm close to nothing.

2007-09-26T17:32:00.001+08:00

I'm not letting those little things put me down,
I'm not letting those words cut deep into my conscience.
I'm not gonna say 'Its over' but instead,smile and say 'Its just begun...'
I'm not gonna give up no matter how impossible it seems to be,

I've got to run this everlasting race,
I've got to run this neverending race.
With You,nothing is impossible.

~~Hiatus,officially starts today.~~

2007-09-22T21:33:00.001+08:00

~~Hiatus,till EOYs are over.~~

2007-09-20T16:58:00.000+08:00

This week's been a great week.

Come to think of it:things have finally improved(when I'm in His rest),I'm finally getting a move on,and it doesn't hurt so much anymore(although it makes me pissed from time to time).I'm glad to have you people by my side,to keep me going,to laugh when I need to laugh,to spend time with me when I have time to spare.Thanks all:)

(I've put Awakening on repeat,repeat,and repeat again.Great song.)
I'm still trusting God for that admission man.I'M ALREADY IN.
EOYs soon,barely made it through the trigo paper;mug.

2007-09-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

I am,in a way,disoriented but,
I'll get over it.

(countdooooown)

2007-09-08T21:51:00.000+08:00

I wish,
I had the courage..(I don't know why,but its the dreams that keep coming back to me..I wake up with my head pounding,my heart aching and for some reason,my thoughts drift to you at six-thirty in the morning..and I start to miss you.I can't.explain.why.Its so..insignificant but yet..Pfffft.Forget it.)
I pray,
that I would not be so embarrassed just to talk about 'church-related stuff' in front of/to my father.
I want,and know I will,
go for EJ3 no matter what,and everything will go smoothly.'Prayer has immeasureable impact on people.'Belief brings me to greater heights.
I have,
to get on my life,because I know its all the little things that fall into place that makes everything work,the little things that just brighten up my day..

(What great friends I have.Love you all!♥)

Mixed feelings.

M-m-moka♥

I don't know about you,but this makes me smile(for some reason).

Sister's chinese-english electronic dictionary?

2007-09-06T19:05:00.000+08:00

Everything's getting better so far-
the pounding thoughts have been banished to a corner,
and its just the beginning of a beginning.
I've got time to work things out;
I've got time to work things out.
(I know I mean the world to you,and I'm trusting you for everything,for all I'm worth.)

2007-09-05T15:33:00.000+08:00

So I missed the Army Open House that I've been going to since I was a little kid for DARE and missed out on those army tech stuff that(kind of)excites me to see them in action but it was(kind of)worthwhile to talk to leaders and friends:)Monday's publicity BBQ was AWESOME!!!!1
1)Consumed much of TimeOut&Yakult lately...
2)Read Life's Little Instruction Book...

Aaaand now I'm off to ?
(Hoo-ha).

2007-09-02T17:18:00.001+08:00

(Time to get studying,
time to get a move on,
time to wipe away those tears,
time to conquer those fears.
Time to be strong,
time to be who I was made to be,
time to stand up,
time to rise to the occasion-
Its time to wake up.)

2007-09-02T16:10:00.000+08:00

There comes a time when I look back,and what I see of me becoming who I am today makes me so full of joy to know that I'm so blessed..
And yet,when I look at what has happened and is happening,everything comes crashing down and I despise myself,I hate who I am,and my self-esteem goes lower and lower..
I know everyone experiences this in their lifetime,but I keep asking myself:Why?
I keep asking myself the questions I cannot answer.
Try as I may,whatever I do,I can never feel satisfied with myself for long.
I don't know why,but some of the people I hold so close to me seem to want to bring me down,see me in that state of misery before they open their mouths again..
I don't know why.

I'm just so confused,so confused.
Sometimes,is life just another lie?
I need You Lord,I need You.

2007-08-30T21:21:00.000+08:00

So we trooped over to Parkway to get those items we needed;plus Pop Tarts and an aluminium pan that wouldn't fit in the microwave.
I don't know if I'll have enough cash to last me till the end of the week,but who cares?Its just a day more to the holidays but I can't really avoid the fact that I have to study twice,or maybe thrice,as hard and push away all forms of distraction during the following week.Pray that I can go for EJ3 and that everything will be settled,because I wouldn't miss a DARE camp for the world.But so happens that it clashes with the stupid structured lessons.Couldn't that be more annoying?
Tomorrow's the Teacher's Day celebrations(Read:long and boring)and me and Sarah are comtemplating whether to hand out brownies to teachers,and I myself am contemplating if school is worth attending tomorrow.They're issueing report cards,and I can't bring myself to see those red marks although I know I didn't put much effort this term,with all the 'I'll do it later's and 'Hold on's.I really can't.So I've decided to just mug for the rest of the holidays+the few remaining weeks before the EOYs,the weekend is not spared either.I.have.to.buck.up.I want to sit for the Os and know that I'm at least heading somewhere,but sometimes I cannot help but wish I was in those days where we led such carefree lives,never worrying about anything,but friends.
I really need to talk to someone,I need to sit down and talk,no distractions,no time-limits,whatever.Its been so long since someone-ANYONE,paid attention to me seriously,and its affecting me in ways I do not want to know.It seems that maybe,things are getting to where they started in the first place,where I screwed things up but yet I had friends by my side,not strong,steadfast ones,but the ones that are probably hanging by a thread.I think I've treaded over quite a few,but I'll have to just keep throwing out new ones,trying to mend the broken,trying to make things right again.But how can I do that if they're not listening,taking me seriously,just talking for the sake of talking?I don't know,but I'll just have to keep going.

(Thanks anyway Sarah for sitting down and having that impromptu talk I didn't have in such a long time today,even if it was non-related,and sorry for screwing up the 'cake',hope LM enjoyz it;) )

I'm asking myself the questions I can't seem to answer.

2007-08-29T20:56:00.000+08:00

'I don't know...'she paused briefly.The man smiled a weary,warm smile;the crow's feet appearing at the corners of his eyes.'Its going to be okay,just..relax,alright?'He took the oversized duffel bag from her hand and placed them in the boot of the car.'Come on,we've got to go.'She stepped onto the road where the Chevrolet was waiting.She paused.Turning back,she took a last long look at the place she once called home.Scratching the asphalt with the toe of her sneaker,a stray tear fell,and she hastily wiped it away with her hand.'Its going to be okay,'she told herself,'Its going to be okay...'

2007-08-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

This week's proved to be a rather interesting week.
1)Caught the cold,
2)Ran in the rain after the visit-wet-market-opposite-school-for-Geography-field-trip after Alicia,Sara H,Dawn,Kim Ong and I(mostly the first three) chipped in to get a starving stray kitten some food,
3)Got those songs I wanted,
4)Sailing turned out to be...fun?today,
5)Drank 3-in-1 coffee with the rest of the elec geog class outside the lower staff room much to the amazement of whoever walked past,
6)Had to stand up for talking too much to Guoster(she had to stand also haha),Boey just had to pick on us,
7)There were plenty of absentees,
8)Rain came at the wrong time,

and..I've forgotten the rest.

Guess I just got inspired to make-up some EJ3 poster while listening to Hillsongs,

How long has it been?
What courage,what love.
How long has it been?
3 years,but I haven't said a word.

2007-08-26T14:06:00.000+08:00

"Maybe redemption has stories to tell,

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell,

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Where you gonna go?Where you gonna go?

Salvation is here."

2007-08-25T12:49:00.001+08:00

Whenever I put the earphones into my ears and Hillsongs goes blasting into them,I feel like a totally different person.Yes,it sounds crazy,but I feel like I'm travelling through time:past,present and future.I feel so at home,so at peace-it really refreshes me,its so indescribeable,so awesome...

2007-08-25T11:49:00.000+08:00

And so,August's been a downfall,for me.
I never thought that it could happen,but it did.I've been on countless emotional roller coaster rides,but this one takes the cake-I'm trusting God for this,but it comes to a point when my self-esteem and confidence goes so low my capabilities seem so limited.I don't know who to side,I don't know what to do,seeing all this happen before my very eyes is so heartbreaking,but I can't seem to wrench my eyes from the fact that it has indeed happened,right here.I'm all cooped up at home for now,I can't go anywhere...
And now,paranoia has come back for a visit.
I should stop thinking so much,asking so much;I should just be who I am,let people appreciate me for who I am,because He is my Solution.

On the bright side,thanks to besties,friends alike for helping me along the way,talking really helped(: My results were...unsatisfactory?4 more months till the end of the year...All I want to do is just stand there,basking in His glory,singing praises to Him,forever and ever...

2007-08-08T14:24:00.000+08:00

Today's one of those days when we bond together as one school,and sing our hearts out for the nation...

Today's the day,when I see the UGs(Uniformed Groups) marching in the field and a wave of nostalgia hits me and I feel like making a point to go to the NDP@ Marina Bay(although I doubt I can)...

Today's the day when I realise,yet again,that we just have to make the best out of ourselves,to be the best we can be,to be the best...

Tomorrow's Singapore's 42nd birthday...
(:

2007-08-06T16:53:00.001+08:00

Heard that yesterday was Pastor Joshua,and the sermon was about...How big our God is(:
Tried to cram as many formulas as I could into my head in that one day,but turns out that time is my enemy today.Guess I need to manage my time,I need to give all my problems to Him(having a hard time not breaking out in a sweat though),I need to let Him do it for me...My God is bigger than anything.Gone is my consciousness,gone are my thoughts that run through my head,taunting me,lowering my self-esteem,gone are the paranoia/anxieties that hit me almost everyday,because what I see myself as in Christ,I am in Christ.

I keep hearing N-Day songs,singing them,seeing the videos;Its already August!

You are my freedom
Jesus you're the Reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life

2007-08-03T15:07:00.000+08:00

Sometimes,I just can't help but smile.

It brings me back to the time when I was a little kid,when I'd hear all the stories of my friends,having siblings and how much fun they had,that was when I told my mum I wanted a little sister.I'd hold my mum's hand,stand by the balcony and look to the sky;I'd tell God I wanted a little sister,just like all the others,a little sister I could share my life with,a little sister I could love.Yesterday,when I just stared at my sister and smiled,I told her what I tell her almost every day:You know,when you grow up,you're going to be so pretty.she would shrug it off and proceed to tell me about her day in school.Even though we DO fight over small things,we have those "special moments'.Even though she's pretty annoying at times,I still think of the times when we held each other and cried,when we would snuggle together in the bed armed with torchlights and stuffed toys.Sometimes,when I look at her,I just can't help but smile...

Running among little kids today,today was 50/50.All the small faces,holding of hands,giggling,how I wish to be a kid again!So carefree,so...(:
Today was pretty "suay",according to Guoster,because we/I was/were caught for doing the right thing(no kidding).
TGIF!(whaaaaat a week)
And,I should really try not to focus on myself,or what other people say or think.I should stop being so paranoid,such a worry-wart,and just be myself,be who I want to be.Next week's CA week,die die must pass.Can't afford to come back with "I'm sorry"s and not-yet-fail-but-still-very-bad marks again.So now's August,and time really flies!Just 4 more months to the end of the year,to the road to Sweet(?) Sixteen.My chinese is somehow scratching its way up,and I'm just about lost in the other subjects.I'm going for DARE tomorrow and that's just about it.I'm sacrificing Sunday for self-study time:O I love my class. TGIF,TGIF.

I choose to be significant.
I choose make a difference.
I will give my "I can't"s and He'll give me His "I can"s.
I am set apart from the rest of the world,
uncommon but reflecting His light.
As He is,so am I.
I look to Jesus,
so I am at rest.
No one can change my mindset because I am Jesus-minded
and Christ-conscious.
I am what I am made to be.
I have a purpose in this life,and I will fufill it.
No one can stop me,nor deter me;
because He has shown me His heart,His way,and His glory.
I choose,to be.

2007-08-01T16:41:00.000+08:00

In case you didn't know...

The first domain name ever registered was Elaine.com!
In the Spanish edition of Cluedo, Elaine is the victim!
It is impossible to fold Elaine more than seven times.
All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to Elaine.
It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same Elaine.
The horns of Elaine are made entirely from hair.
A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but Elaine can not.
The National Heart Foundation recommends eating Elaine at least three times a week!
Elaine can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid.
The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Elaine and compline.

Interestingz.

School's been plenty of words,sweets,jokes,pranks,actions,laughs.One word:Crazy.CA week is coming!!!Gotta get studying again,and tomorrow's bible study with Pastor Peter Yongren and Friday's Festival Of Praise:O Missed it three(?) times in a row.Phwow.DARE this Saturday(:

Don't click here!

2007-07-30T20:24:00.000+08:00

"Elaine,its what you do that makes you you."

Really?I know I can make my friends laugh till their sides hurt,till my face aches from all that laughing/smiling,I know I can be weird at times(although prefer not to be called that),I know..so many things.Its all about what I do that make me,me.No one else,but me.Its always the little things that matter so much,have so much importance...

Thanks all.
(and Blessed 16th "Jing Ling")

2007-07-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes,I wish I was a child again.
So innocent,so oblivious to the world,
paying only the most attention to almost..nothing at all.

I wouldn't have to face all this pressure of all the finger-pointing,
the unstableness,the silent wars,the talks that make me cry when their backs are turned,
the time when I spend sitting alone thinking,thinking.
I wouldn't have to face them,and the sinking feeling I feel sometimes.

I wouldn't have to do anything at all.

I can just sit and watch;
my presence just enough to make them think twice,
to make everything go away,
to make everything be the way it was,
once before.

If only.

I'd better start thinking before I make another step,another decision.

2007-07-22T19:50:00.000+08:00

"He stepped into this world to bring us into His world."
Pastor Prince(his closing sentence today)

Simple but powerful sentence.Mother told me over a bowl of laksa(I skipped dinner and lunch)that in this world,like Pastor Prince said,Jesus chose to be the Son of Man,to be of the flesh,to die on the cross so that we could be loved by God for who we are and all our sins,past,present and future,taken away.That's why in this world,we need Him on the cross.But when He came here to bring us into His world,we are redeemed and we no longer need the cross so its His world,yeah?(:
Today was tiring,yet fun,but time passed pretty quickly.Blessed 15th to Shu!;)Denise didn't come!): And Kaying,Brian is back...Saw Juliana and Melissa in the bus,they're very nice...Youtube is good entertainment...

(nothing else to say.)

2007-07-20T20:09:00.002+08:00

I want to be the one who lies beside you on the grass,watching the clouds go by,and everything comes to a standstill...
I want to be the one who you know so well,that even when my back is turned,you know its me...
I want to be the one who shares those good ol' memories of us watching horror flicks and screaming and hugging each other and laughing at our stupidity...
I want to be the one who you share your feelings with,your thoughts,your problems;I want to be your confidant...
I want to be the one who you choose to bring along whenever you feel like shopping,watching a movie,or even a walk in the park...
I want to be the one whose presence you enjoy,someone who you feel comfortable with...
I want to be the one who is always there for you,no matter what;someone you can always count on...
I want to be the one who does things with you,even if it gets a little dirty,but have an awesome time and beautiful memories...
I want to be the one who understands you so well,that I know what you're thinking in any situations...
I want to be the one who doesn't expect or demand alot,but someone who merely wants your company...
I want to always be there,with you...
I want to be your Best Friend,like Jesus is mine...